Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and just like every single year, this day surely gives a reason for everyone to talk about it. It is half past 11 and I just realized this day creates a wave of new groups sprouting out which usually (though turns out to become something else) lasts between a week and a month. Listing down those to be expected groups. Some have already started germinating while the other being sowed as I write it. On a curious note – will I belong to any group? I was thinking the same right now and thought, why not categorize them I find out where we belong to -
- Skewed Anthropology Professors
- Political science maniacs
- Legal experts
- Chromatics genius
- Gifting gods
- Marketing Methais
- Always single groups
- Confused souls
Skewed Anthropology Professors – Just start every single paragraph with the statement “antha kaalathula ellam” (during those days) and complete it with whatever your judgmental brain says as correct regarding the culture of human race in general and this day in India in particular. This will automatically position you in this category.
Political science maniacs – You want to become famous? Simple
Step1: Listen to “Skewed Anthropology Professors”
Step2: Mix caste/creed or religion to it
Step3: Either go to a political person who is of same case/creed or religion or create yourself a group (you can use TV channels’ help, social networking sites etc.)
Step4: Identify those areas in India which if blocked will create the greatest nuisance to people and gather there (Black flags, match box and pictures of ruling party are mandatory)
Step5: Shout your heart out
Step6: End up in jail and come out by paying some amount without a FIR. Make sure photographers and press folks are present
That is it. You have done your job. Now wait and watch – a post post the election is guaranteed.
Legal experts – Educated but feel “Skewed Anthropology Professors” are correct? You think that politics is a little overboard for your taste? Still you want to make the country listen to you? Just by-heart few easy section names and post statuses/comments, give interviews in channels (TV, radio, YouTube – anything). Kudos you are a “legal expert”
Chromatic genius – One side of the coin has the above mentioned 3 groups. And then if you decide to turn the coin, well there are these Chromatic geniuses who come up with dress/accessories color codes to define your relationship status. Some people extend this color coding to their vehicle and food. I just remembered a friend of mine who did not get in a green board bus and was waiting for white board on V-day because he was ‘taken’ and his GF would kill him if she sees him in ‘I’M waiting’ colored board bus.
Gifting gods – That one day when you feel perfectly happy to stay at home and not with friends is V-Day. This one time I was in a PG with few roomies, obviously 2 of my roomies were committed and one was about to get committed. I had a meeting at 9AM the next day and TRIED to sleep early only to face this
12:00 Midnight – Girl 1 mobile phone rang
12:05 – Girl 2 mobile phone rang – “you are 5 mins late” she said
12:15 – Heard crying sound from girl 3
12:25 – someone rang the bell, a bouquet had come for Girl 2 and there were “wow, soooo beautiful’ discussions
12:45 – Girl 3 left the house
1:00 AM – chocolates arrived for Girl 2
1:30 AM – Girl 1 was crying over the phone that she did not get any gifts
2:00 AM – Girl 3 enters the house and does a heroine run & fall on the bed. Poor bed it wiled & cried as she did that.
2:20 AM – Cake arrived for Girl 1
I can go on but all I could remember was doing the security job of opening the door every time someone hit the calling bell only to get some sleep finally at 7AM in the morning. Oh yes, over slept, missed the meeting, took WFH post lunch due to the head ache. I did go to office the next day and had to stand my colleagues’ funny comments about me and my secret boyfriend about whom I didn’t tell them but took a day off to be with him.
Marketing Methais – I went to buy a gift for my niece’s birthday which falls in Feb 3rd week only to notice the ‘red heart’ in coffee mugs, cushions, dresses, candles, photo frames, greeting cards and in the 1 year ‘only’ baby underwear. The same baby top a week before (in Jan) was ‘Rs.699/- only’ and with those tiny hearts printed on it, it has become ‘Rs.1099/- just Rs.999/- only’. Wow… By the way thank you guys for not printing them on diapers.
Always single groups – Have you seen those happy looking guys/girls who laugh the loudest and make fun of all the other groups which are mentioned above? You remember those ‘Guys only’/ ‘Girls only’ gangs which occupy the coffee shops, restaurants, beaches on V-Day (especially this day in large numbers in a very much enthusiastic manner). Have you come across all those ‘happily single’ one liners? And all those comments/memes/statuses regarding the same? Yes you are right I mean someone like our Ramanan. These people belong to this group. They communicate in a very happy-sad way that they are still single.
And finally “Confused souls” are those like you and me – either married or to be; single, committed, separate or in it’s complicated relationship status who just read Deephi’sand Dan’s Valentine’s day’s special competition here and here and wondering what to make out of it? How to ask people to partner and write an entry for the same. Some tips (with a hope that the deadline for nomination will be extended)
- Stalking others is not illegal – it is required
- Browse… Browse… And read
- Whom you are searching for maybe sitting next to you – ask around
- Don’t feel shy, for once this rejection does not result in a heart break
- It is good for your health to ping a person and say “Hi, I read your posts” instead of “Can you clarify me on this”
- Want to convey something to him/her – say it is your idea for the story
- You may not want to post an entry BUT You can always use “did you read Dan’s post” as a pick up line for the next one month at the least
- Need to break the ice to write better – grab a cup of coffee and talk. You know anything can happen over the cup of coffee
- A reason to call – “Can you proof read what I just wrote”
- Write or not, win or not – make sure you make at-least one good friend. And maybe ‘much more’ for those singles if lucky.
Well you get the idea. All the best 
P.S. Eppadiyo suthi title la vanthu muduchitten :p
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