In search for Air

Read Part 1 Here

Life plays strange games. I never believed in this statement till this date. Then I saw her – that one woman who made me forget that humans cannot fly. She was there just in front of me – that complete definition of beauty with those sparkling eyes which speak one million stories. That girl whose smile froze every human alive stood there frozen looking at me - she knew it was me. I did not expect her there. I know her and wanted to meet her – the girl who has married my wife’s best friend. I had plans to sit with her and tease my wife and her husband by drilling out the most embarrassing situations of their childhood period. But looking at her – I froze. No I did not, physically but my brain did. I become a plane on auto pilot mode. I smile without any hint of recognition and move inside the house.

Anyone who saw me and knew the story would wonder why I was as I was. But how can I respond? I am married, I have a charming wife and a darling kid. I love my family and am grateful to God for them to be part of my life. So how can I react? How can I respond to that shock? – I don’t have a choice I had to respond with blankness and smile. I have always been good at it. I am Vishnu – named after the God who has taken various forms and today my form is to be a good loving husband to Vidhya – which I always am but also to be the person who has no past.

She looks the same after 6 years. I want to tell her that. I want to catch her face and look into those eyes and tell the truth out for the whole world to know that she is my world. She was always THE one. But how can I? I made the choice. I had to move away. Sometimes there are things which humans are bound to follow and I was a mere human. The petty financial constraints, the wrong timings, silly fights, wrong perceptions and finally parent’s health and expectations have made me move away. She never knew why, she wanted to know the reason for years – a closure to the past. But I was not able to give her. Love deserves sacrifices but in my story I had to sacrifice the love in itself. How can I tell her all this now? Will she accept it? Or does she even want to know it?

I can see she is in pain. Or is it just shock filled with loath? I can’t guess and I don’t want to. I made a decision and though maybe I am not in peace with my past and I still am suffering with nightmares. Something are best to be left in the rotten state. And that goes with my love for Nisha. I talk a lot than usual, I smile a lot than usual. Vidhya knows something is wrong – but she is more concerned with Nisha, who says that she is unwell, than me at that point. I tell Vidhya that we’ll leave early than the earlier plan given Nisha’s health. Vidhu, my wife agrees and we bid goodbye and leave the place.

I start the car in 5th gear instead of 1st. I hit the clutch thinking it’s the accelerator. I get out of the car. I need air – I need my brain to unfreeze. I need to breathe. Vidhya comes near me with no expression on her face. I try to look composed – the air did do some magic to me. I keep looking at the horizon. She came towards me and says “You really are a good actor. But I have always been the director”. I turn and look at her – shocked and frozen. Now- not just my brain but also my entire body. Does Vidhya know?