Suicide

The toughest thing to perform in this world is killing. And killing oneself is even more tougher. Needless to say near to impossible. It is not because of the pain or anything but there are other factors which make it really tough. 

You stop eating and all you do is sleeping for days. Then when your brain and heart becomes completely numb of pain and then this realization of what have i achieved in this world, why should I live?  occurs in your minds. Then you try to do the only possible and best solution at that second-to kill yourself. And when you try to do so, the brain never works. you keep roaming around the house a million times but the most obvious places where the knife, scissors, stool, rat poison are usually stored completely skip the mind. Your eyes are completely filled with tears and even if these things are just in front of your eyes, you can never see it. And only now your old buddy would call to 'just chat' and your best friend would be talking about his girlfriend and asking you for advice. When all these hindrances are done, your parents who usually never wake up in the middle of the night come to the kitchen to ask you one million questions. 

Then you try to cut your hand and only when you try it, you realize how blunt your kitchen knife is. After all these you finally feel hanging is the best option and try to tie the dupatta, suddenly you could never reach the fan which usually hits you (at least you feel so) when you try to jump or clean stuffs at home. And the stool you usually move with a single finger never moves away from your leg no matter how hard you push it with your leg.

And once you are fed up with all that and you try to just go jump off from the terrace, suddenly and suprisingly the watchman would have locked the terrace door only on THAT day. And when you are completely down with the loser feeling that you are not even fit to kill yourself someone would call you to ask some doubt in your project. You forget everything else because the fear of project would be worse than the fear of killing yourself at that point.

And then when you are working on your project you try to plan your death and when you Google "how to suicide" you get results on how not to and some amazing mokka sights link like this.

And you start crying your heart out to your best friend and he would think you are lying and would start making fun of you. Then you end up writing pages in your personal diary. 

That is the sad story of many suicide failures. It actually requires the guts and strength which makes you feel living the life is much easier than being stupid.