Being Brahmin

Marriage is a really special occasion in every community. And in a Brahmin family it is more than just an occasion, it is a festival bundled up with emotions, pride, rituals, norms, expectations, talks and much more. When the whole relatives crowd sit together and search for the bride/groom and check on her/his background. Make the plans and get the engagement and the 3 days marriage done with so many exciting things and surprise packages, when all the cousins planning for a big treat and biggest cake party on the day of reception followed by dance and songs lasting the whole night. The tasty food beautifully dressed relatives (appu kooda periya ponnu mathiri podava katti irukka pathela?) the ornaments, decorations and arrangements

(mammi 1: meenakshi sundaresan kalyanam mathiri ore thadapudala panitta

Mammi 2:  ponnu kaluthula #$ pound naga ennama jolikkithu paathiya?

Mammi 3: Atha vida ponnu mugathula irukkura vekkam pathiya?

Mammi 4: namma jaalu kooda vekka padra :p )

Yes it surely IS a very special event in everyone’s life.

Right from the day the girl joins her engineering (it is either BE or MBBS always) the talk starts.

Amma: pakkathu veetu mammi oda orupidi ku therinjavaalam. Romba nanna padipaan America la vela seiraanam. Pakatta?

Appa: En boss oda paiyan, un ponnu na vera ethum pakka venam nu soltaar. Ippo than college senthurukka nu solitaen.Nalla idam paiyanukku china vayasu than, wait pana solata?

And then there will be a marriage in some relative’s place – Amma oda akka oda ponnoda ambalaiyan oda thangaiyoda 2^nd cousin ku kalyanam. Manniku romba vendiyava vera. Namma pogaati eppadi? And in there few mammis will contact the girl’s parents “vayasukku vantha ponnu irukku nu Chachaa mammi sonna eppo kalyanam panratha ninachindu irukkael? Enakku therinja varan ethanum iruntha unga ponna pathi solata?”

And when a marriage invitation comes to her house – “ponnu per ennanu paaru? Enna di ithu etho iyerngar/xyz (fill any non-brahmin caste name) peru maathiri irukku? Romba nallava oorukku evlo ubahaaram pani irukka theriyuma? Etho paiyan America poi padikuraen nu sonnan kadaisila ippadi panitanae. Paavam ava”. And when the girl asks whether they are going of the marriage they say “eppadi di intha kalyanathukku ellam porathu? Chatha chumma iru di”

When latchu mammi’s son is in love with a non-brahmin girl amma would advice her “ othukkatha di appadi enna pidivatham? Evalo oruthi namma athula eppadi iruppa? Ne paiyana seriya valathu iruntha ippadi ellam seivana?” And when lalli mammi’s daughter says she is in love with an iyengar boy "veeta vittu veliya anupidu. Thala mulugidu. Namma pecha kekkatha oruthi namma vaithilaye porakkala nu nonachikko” This is to be expected from a family which is used to telling "ava veetla enna sappaadu vendi kedakku" when anna says he'll eat in justin's house after playing cricket or "purathaar ellam veetukku kootindu vantha avaalku namma palakkam puriyuma?" when her friends come home.

Basically the Brahmin community is divided into two – Iyers, Iyengars. In iyersthere is Vaishnavas, shivaites and smarthas – depending on the God they worship. And also sub-castes based on regions – rajasthan, Andra, Kashmir, Tamils (Dravidians). And each region has sub-castes - Dravidlu, Niyogi (Aru Vela Niyogulu), Vaidiki, Telaganyulu, Kanvulu etc in Andra. And in vaidiki it is again divided into velanadu, venginadu, mulakanadu, kosalanadu, Karnakamma etc. Then you still have Gothras which are decided based on the origin of the family. (name of the respective rishis).

So the rules are simple, the girl and guy should be from same caste, sub – caste, sub sub caste etc and from different Gothram (because if they belong to same gothram then they are said to be brother-sister) and the Gothra though different should not be sa-Gothras (some rishis who are the origins of Gothrams are also related. So the girl and guy should not be fromrelated rishi Gothras).

And even if such a match is found, you could still hear comments like “ava sandyavandanamae pana mattalam. Oru echa pathu pakrathu illa. Thaniya kooda ukkarathu illa. Eppadi avala accept panikrathu”, “Antha paiyan mamisam ellam sapiduvanam vendavae vendam di”, “nammava nu solar ana oru pattu class kuda ponathillayam”

So the additional expectations include: The guy should be wearing the punal and do santhyavanthanam and should konw slokas atleat if not vedas. And the gal should know all the customs and also to sing, dance (chinna vayasula kathunda is also acceptable nowadays) wear madisaar, go to temple everyday, keep virathams and remember all the important days (ammavasai, ashtami, navami, raagukalam, emagandam, nombu, kolu, ramanavami etc etc) and also which palagaarm to do on which day. 
( I have omitted many other expectations here because those are a little complex to be explained.)

With a 5.3 crores of Brahmin population in this world and taking all the sub-castes into consideration the population of one sub-sub cate comes under 4 laks and the number of eligible bachelors within it can be counted with our fingers. And thus yes, the world has changed just because they are not left with a choice. Now some say sub-castes no bar. And many don’t follow the basic rituals/ habits which are to be followed. And the most open minded families even accept Iyer – Iyengar cross marriages.

But certain facts like “en amma ippadi sola Andal kooda Kshathiryana thana ma kalyanam paninda”, “ana veda class la 4 caste nu thana sonna – Brahmana, Kshathriya, Vaishya and sudra athum seira vela poruthu than nu sonalae ma”, “Engae brahmanan la kooda ippo irukkava ellarum kaasu sambathikkura athanaala brahmananae illa nu sonnale”, “Namma namaskaram panra ella swaamiyum Kshthriya thanae ma brahmana illaye”, “namma gothram nu solra namma munnorae ellarum Brahmana illye” “ellam manu smriti vanthappo la irunthu thanae, antha book la kooda pengala erakki vechi pesina manu pechu ethum kekkra mathiri irukkathunu ne thanae sonna ana manu sonna caste mattum venuma?”

And the reply you get is “ athigaprasangi, chatha chumma irukkiya? poi parichaiku padikura velaya paaru”. And if this girl says she is in love with a non- Brahmin – well the world erupts. It is not just the pride, habits, origin but also the advices what they gave to other parents back fires. It is also about the ego and society. The everyday way of living, customs changes and that is why it is hard for everyone to accept. It all starts with “kalyanam kaatchi na eppadi avala koopidrathu? Nammava enna solva” and goes on.

Some things can never be changed, and science, history has no impact even in the most educated people. This is India - these near to extince cutoms. culture and habit make our country.

P.S. I value my origin and feel proud about it. I have no intention to hurt anyone’s feeling.