One million times

Day 1:

Shuttle court packed up with audience, pressure building up and a serious game happening - that is when I first saw her. Typically like a boy - Her attituade, style, the way she spoke and reacted with everyone around. The only thing ran in my mind was "how on earth is she born as a gal?" And yeah she was surrounded by guys, her friends were mostly guys. As a typical guy from down south in a smallest possible village, I just felt it was all so wrong. Yes, maybe she is so wrong.

Day 10:

But yes... oh wait... Is this that gal??? THAT gal I saw crying to a guy (aka fm) and was asking him to take her somewhere. Couldn't understand what was happening. That was when I saw a glimpse of THAT gal.

Day 15:

I had my usual daily smoke near my college campus (outside of-course) and when I was about to enter the college, I saw round 15 bikes and most of my college mates going out. I saw her standing across the road telling people to start soon and who go with whom etc. I just asked the nearby guy what they are up-to and learned they are going to EA as class got cancelled. I wanted to join. But I had never spoken well with anyone and they hardly knew me. I'm not THAT good is socializing. And though every single soul said me bye, nobody called me along. And then suddenly she called me from the other side of the road.

She: Hey you

Me: turning around with confused look who me?

She: Yes you red t-shirt.

Me: yeah ??

She: you belong to our college?

Me: yes that is right.

She: Then come with us, why are you just standing there and looking at everyone.

And she crossed the road, came near me, pulled me along (to the car) and took me to EA. I couldn't react to it at all. Didn't understand what happened. She spoke to me as if she knew me all her life. That was the first time.

Day 20:

I had a major accident and had to exercise my hand regularly. But due to the injury I couldn't play shuttle properly though I should. And so I wasn't allowed/accepted by any to play along them for a match. And then she came.

She: You just don’t care of the match or how the shuttle goes, just play your game and if you can't am just behind you to back you up. Don't worry we are doing this. We'll win.

Hitting the shuttle was a tough job for me then but she was talking about winning. I thought she was making fun of me. But her looks and attitude showed otherwise. So I just accepted what she said and we started. And YES, She was right. We won. That was the second time.

Day 30:

I said something somewhere to someone and it turned out to be something else somewhere else and the whole college was talking about me being in love with her. Well, I wasn't. NOWAYS...

By that time we were "Hi friends". Sorry I forgot to mention about this. I have a lot called "hi friends" - the lot with whom all I talk/ tell is a single Hi. The lot contains mostly gals (actually only gals). And when this rumor became really strong and talks of the college, fm text-ed her from my number as she is my life and I can't live without her.

Result: No reply, No response.

The next day:  she just came to me and said “talk to me and we'll stay as friends for ever but never have any other thought because it'll never happen". I thought she had such an attitude. I thought 'Who'll fall for such a gal?" I thought that is THE end of our "hi friendship". But I was wrong.

From then on, she started texting me as before, replied to all my texts, spoke to me very well. She spoke to me as if the whole episode (text thing) never happened. And we became good friends.

Day 65:

An educational trip to Mumbai changed 'good friends' to 'thick friends for life'. She took care of me and I liked to take care of her. She was a kid to me sometimes and a devil at other times. She could be very matured and responsible one second and completely stupid and childlike the next second. When she sees something cute/ beautiful, she'll transform to a baby. She reminded me my mother, my sis, my ex but then she was completely different from all of them. Something different and unique. She trusted me completely and I always lived up-to that. That is when I fell for her again, again and yet again.

She was not feeling well and missed one week classes. One fine day a few friends of hers decided to go meet her. I went along. That was the first time I saw her place and her parents. She introduced me to her parents and said “I haven't said much about him but he is a good friend of mine".

Day 89:

I had a very bad time during my mids (exam). So fm said it is impossible for us to study and he called few gals to teach us/ study along with us so that we could pass. She came though not initially but after 2 exams. And she was there with me the whole time when we were studying. We played basket ball when we felt tired, had some funny chats, took rounds in sleeping, early morning walk to tea stall and yes we did study REALLY well.

She was there with me ALWAYS from then on. My morning started with a call to her wishing "good morning" and my day ended with her "good night" call and text. My new year started at her presence. We were there together every minute. Her best friend was mine too. And she was part of my family. She is someone who could make me laugh, angry, cry at the same second. She could change my emotions like a switch. She had that power. Because I gave her that rights.

She never held back anything from me. If she starts talking she goes on and on and on. It is a never ending tale she has. And I liked it. I liked her words, her actions. I told her everything about me. I started sharing everything with her. I reciprocated her trust.

When the whole world teased us, she just said I'm her brother and I never felt bad in calling her my sister. I didn't at that time. But one day when she said me that her parents had started seeing a groom for her... things changed.

Day 105:

I was thinking thinking and thinking the whole day night. A day passed then a week and then 2. I couldn't digest the fact that she wouldn't be with me forever. I never anticipated that. And then I decided she is everything to me. And I fell for her once AGAIN. This time completely.

Day 125:

I proposed her and she reminded me THOSE words what she said me initially - "talk to me and we'll stay as friends for ever but never have any other thought because it'll never happen".

I kept reminding her time and again about my feelings and so did many others around me. I gave her the BEST possible birthday she could ever have at her most cherished place with the most unexpected/ treasured gift.

And one day she said   - there was someone else. Just like me falling for her 'a one million times' she had with someone else for years. I couldn't believe it. I was so angry that she never mentioned about this before. She gave no clue or none of her behavior ever showed me that there was someone else or there will ever be. But YES there was and I HAD to digest that. And then I understood even we know a girl all our life it is still impossible to tell what/who is in her mind.

I tried to move away from her. Yes it did hurt me but I didn't have a choice. But she didn't let me go. I felt she had changed but then she hadn't the slightest. Being with her hurt me but being away from me hurt me even more. So I had to stop moving away from her. We had many moments together. She spent every possible minute with me as always. Near mid night beach, bike ride, treks, matches and hang outs nothing was complete without her. Though there were 10-15 other people with us always, I could never feel the other's presence when she was there. I always felt it was just her and me and everyone in this world had disappeared.

Every day she fights with me, every day she laughs with me. I hate her to the core when she does really irritating things like forgetting my birthday but I fall for her yet again another one million times when she cares form me. I have made a pact to be the same with her till the last day of college.

It is wanting the impossible and living the hardest but with the best and so is her position too.

And these 'One million times' repeats every day and every second and will repeat another year (in her thoughts) and in my mind for a life time